Relationshipping Series - Part II
"Good Relationships"
If you 'google' "good relationships" you will receive over 450,000,000 search hits in less than half a second... that is nearly a half a billion pieces of information in almost no time flat!
I decided not to research all of them since it might take a staff of 100,000 to get it synthesized by the time this article goes out today. And, I did choose a few, maybe 6-8 articles, to produce the following list of qualities and characteristics or 'keys' to "good relationships"...
- Trust
- Self confidence
- Personal Power
- Integrity
- Openness
- Compromise
- Openness to change
- Communication
- Conflict resolving ability
- Honesty
- Respect
- Listening
- Being supportive
- Dependability
- Forgiving
- Admitting mistakes
- Work
- Time
- Giving
- Kindness
- Humor
- Outside interests
- Other relationships
Most of the articles listed a few of the above characteristics or qualities as: "3 Keys to..." or "7 Keys to...", etc... Of course, who can argue with such a list... all can be seen as positive in nature... and most of us like to think that we are master of all of them, right?
So, what I'd like to suggest is that one of the main keys in good relationships is to the acceptance and understanding that there are only relationships... and sometimes they may feel good and sometimes they may feel bad... it probably will not surprise most of you who know me to see me write that one of the keys, in my opinion, is the level of awareness to the present moment that each partner brings... realizing that there are always times of reacting and responding from less than pure awareness and presence... We all have egos and personalities of course... And, openness in the present moment provides both 'space' and 'awareness' of the dynamics we are experiencing.
So, we might look at this from a personal growth perspective as a certain level of learned skills and the mature attitude that comes from actualizing the positive potentials of personal development. From the perspective acknowledging the spiritual dimension, we can call this a centered awareness that observes the personal reactions and interactions along with the varying contents of consciousness such as feelings, thoughts, sensations, body stress or relaxation, etc.
"Good relationships" are in the mind of 'the beholder,' as are most of our judgments and ideas. I'd like to suggest that, and I don't know if this is true or not, when we have achieved the ability to be the observing awareness, we are also in a better position to see the personal connections and possible dependent or needy negative hooks that can take us off center. Of course all interactions are grist for the mill of self discovery, relationship discovery, and continuing growth. As we all know, the positive feelings of happiness and love can also change to something else... Being open and present... then feeling lost in some "out of sync" energy... brings us to that learning place once again...
It seems important that two people have a certain level of equality in the areas of both personal development and also what we might call "soul development"... and there are always reasons, even if we never know them, why two people connect and make the choice to partner in some way.
It seems as we continue into this year of 2012, there is the need to be open to the co-creation of relationships with integrity and clarity. In this sense there is both adventure and also some possible feeling that accompany the adventure into the unknown. Paths come together and sometimes go apart... Trying to lock the future into some set of rules and expectations will limit the openness that this time calls forth.
Changes continue... I you ask me what is most important at this time, it seems that the deep listening to Spirit... and to the currents and rhythms that are present in the depths of Soul will be our best approach. Trusting the integrity of our own life path will bring us in to connections with others on a similar path... and so "good relationships" will follow in the always present moment.
Of course there are always relationships that are committed to in time for purposes of family structure, business and financial security, exercise, hobbies, sports, and other common interests. These are social contracts that last for varying lengths of time and can be seen as "good" or "not good" often only in retrospection. And the observations or judgments can be useful for learning and they can also be inhibiting if we are not willing to let go of what was...
Which, again, brings us to this present moment... I'm not sure if you have let go of the past... or have not let go of the past... or whether you let go of fantasizing about the future or let go of fear and worry about the future... Either way... we are here now...again....and again... in this all-ways present Now...
With Blessings and Love on your journey,
John
Nice job, once again. It's not an easy subject matter but whether the reader has reached a sense of spiritual maturity or not, you are pointing them in that direction. I personally wonder whether a true, bonding life partner type of relationship could ever even occur until both parties have Awakened. Those are the only ones I witness to be authentic and based in Divine Love. The rest seem to just bounce off the "stuff" in order to grow. That of ,course is part of the journey.
ReplyDeletethanks, Diane...
ReplyDeleteIt seems the answer lies in your question... always some ego grist for the mill .. so two people who are more awake and aware would seem to be able to center from what comes up more readily than others... that I guess is theory until we have further experience...at least for me that is true... as I continue to be open to the possibilities...
With Blessings and Love,
John