"So, do you have any regrets about.....?"
The question has been asked of me... and you probably have heard it from time to time, especially while making a transition... or regarding a particular situation.
The famous crooner, Frank Sinatra, in "My Way" sang:
"Regrets, I've had a few...but then again... too few to mention..."
I guess, conventionally speaking, we have all made decisions or done something that, if we had the opportunity to go back, would have done something different. Often the regret is based on the reaction or result that followed a decision...some words spoken in haste... or other actions for which we later felt sorry...
"Regrets" do imply that we are sorry or disappointed that things turned out the way they did. It is quite appropriate to apologize and/or make amends if we have disrespected or 'wronged' another being in some way. Healthy living in our world involves right living and right actions that are aligned with our deepest and highest being. This provides a sense of harmony and integrity. We know when we have done something that is out of harmony with our innermost values...unless we have completely become lost in unconsciousness ... and forget our spiritual core being-ness.
Sometimes our egoic mind likes to replay past regrets or even 'sins' we have committed. The 'sins' may be a real missing of the mark to respect all Life...and it may also come with a sense of guilt and shame that is based upon tribal, cultural, or religious 'laws'...
If I feel I have wronged someone, I find that it is always best to apologize and see if there is anything that needs to be done to heal the separation. At other times, we may make decisions that others do not like or do not agree with and they may feel hurt, disappointed, or angry. We can be empathetic and realize that the other person is experiencing an emotional reaction because their expectations, desires, and wishes were not met, and we do not need to apologize for doing what we sensed was the best action or decision at the time.
It does little or no good to try to figure out what happened, why it happened, or who is to blame. Of course, we can hopefully learn from our life experience, but replaying the past can be a dead end street. I heard Deepak Chopra once say, "There are an infinite number of causes leading to an infinite number of results" [paraphrased]. So, good luck with figuring it all out. And I'm reminded of a line in a James Taylor song: "Einstein said, 'we can never understand it all'" [again, a paraphrase]...
So, if you decide you need to go to a 'psychiatrist' to help you get it all figured out, be ready to spend an infinite number of dollars... in an infinite number of sessions ...and perhaps take an infinite number of pills! I'm not suggesting that counseling will not help us through certain transitions in life... only that if we would begin to search through the past for issues and answers, it might be an inefficient and ineffective way toward finding the true Self we are... the awareness of Being that IS right now...
'Regrets' imply a look back into past 'nows'... or may be left over memory traces that haunt our present thoughts and feelings... I remind myself all the time that we never have all the answers...and sometimes no 'answer' at all!
Whenever we try to return to the 'past' or revisit the scene of a past 'regret'... we are always seeing it with our own egoic judgments and the judgments of others' egoic perspectives. Letting go of a few 'regrets,' after learning what we can from the experience, can be a positive move to returning to the present moment. We might want to make sure that any trips down memory lane are not simply another ego trick to keep us from the Love, Peace, Power, and Joy that is Life in this Creative Present Moment.
A few suggestions in summary:
- Focus on 'WHAT IS' right Now;
- If those 'regrets' come into our awareness, we can:
- See if it is something we need to apologize for or make amends;
- Take action
- Accept it as what was without looking for excuses, reasons, blame, etc.
- Love and forgive ourselves or others as appropriate;
- Be here again in this present moment.
- If need be, ask a life coach or other trusted friend for some guidance.
I like to remind myself... and all who are reading this... that we did the best we could under the circumstances at any particular event on the journey's path... be gentle on yourself and others... in Frank's words, "I did it 'my' way"...
So, without another side-trip into the nature of "'my' way"... We do our best, through and beyond ego, in this moment to respect all LIFE... and it IS good enough! We are 'good enough' and better!
Peace and Blessings to ALL!
September 23, 2010 - John Hutchinson
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"You can only perceive the beauty that lives outside you when you feel the beauty that lives inside you. Honor your body and accept it as it is. You have the right to feel beautiful and enjoy it." ~ don Miguel Ruiz
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