I wrote the following article in October of 2012 and recently came across it again... I am posting it again as a reminder to myself and perhaps it will stir some energies in others as well... jh
“What’s Love Got To Do With It?”
“A life without love
is a waste. ‘Should I look for spiritual love, or material, or physical love?’…
Don’t ask yourself this question… Discrimination leads to discrimination. Love
doesn’t need any name, category or definition. Love is a world itself. Either
you are in, at the center …or you are out, yearning.” ~ Shams Tabrizi
How is it that sometimes we touch Love’s center or perhaps
better said we feel the oneness of Love’s center in all things… and at other
times we are off-center, in a space of yearning, which can lead to “looking for
Love in all the wrong places”… looking to others to provide love to us?
Love that expects something in return is most likely a need
and desire within our psyche that is not really love. The inner child always
wants to be loved. A part of us always wants to be loved. But what is that
desire? Could it be a longing or homesick feeling for the true self and Love
Center that is our connection with Source, with God, with Primary Life Energy?
We can experience Love in a spiritual or transcendent sense
which lifts us to a place of self acceptance… to a sense of ‘okayness’ within.
This energy of Love may come through any number of ways. There are few words to
describe this expansion of heart energy. And how do so many become seemingly
detached from this primary life energy source? I suspect in some ways it is
domesticated out of us in the process and demands of surviving in our
environments.
As newborns we show up and are emotionally open and
vulnerable to the actions and energies of those to whom we are dependent for
survival. The quality of Love a newborn receives from others is dependent on
the degree to which the caregivers are centered in Love or lost in their own
pain-bodies from their own past experience. So, we can see how it is quite complex
from our first breath. And from day one our personality is affected through our
environment and mixes with the predispositions we bring with us through
genetics and whatever other factors may be involved. Certainly from a spiritual
perspective we can suggest that there may be some pre-birth contracts,
purposes, or plans that we bring with us when we enter this 3rd dimension
in physical form.
What if, before birth, we also were one with the Love Center
of Life’s Source, whatever we may call that or however we may wish to imagine
it. It must be quite a shock to show up in the chaos that often surrounds the
birth experience after being in the Universal Love Center, even before
womb-time. I realize this is all speculation, even though some declare it as
more than that.
Now, let us suppose we flash forward several decades or so
and we find ourselves in various types of relationships. We connect naturally
through family, through work, through interests, through school, through social
events, and by happenstance, or as some would say, synchronicity.
So there are many different types of relationships. When we
look at the relationships between people who wish to be partners we also find
different reasons and rhythms of attraction and connection. At one level, two
people may connect for a physical relationship, simply to enjoy the pleasures
of our human body. Some people may also connect at a certain stage in life to
form and generate a family within the social norms and expectations and through
their own want or need to do so.
From a psycho-spiritual perspective, partners may be
attracted to one another for different reasons;
·
Attracted through physical appearances;
·
Attracted due to similar interests, values,
ideas;
·
Attracted by personality type, sometimes
similar, sometime opposite;
·
Attracted to another’s aura or energy;
·
Attracted through chemistry… sensual and sexual
energies;
·
Attracted to material life situation, successes,
finances, accomplishments, possessions;
·
Attracted to a shared sense of purpose, vision,
mission, calling;
What we often do not understand or realize is that we are
often attracted to our own projections onto another person according to what we
wish for, and in some cases, to what we lack in our own lives. The openness of
hope for love with another often blossoms, with or without the projections,
into infatuation and acceptance of each other. In many cases, this feeling of
Love with another is due to how we feel when we are with them and may easily be
combined with shared energies if the two people are sexually engaged. The
energy transfer in open sex can often provide a shared desire that feels like a
tear when two are physically separated to different locations.
The experience of falling in love and feeling love for
another is perhaps the closest we come to heaven on earth, so to speak. To put
it another way, the ecstasy of intimacy may mirror the spiritual connection in
the present moment of an oneness with Life’s Source and Love Center… or
spiritual oneness. Truly the feelings of love in the moment may have a quality
of ‘eternity’…’forever’… and timelessness… again, mirroring spiritual Love.
And as most humans know, the projections of partnering and
accepting can and usually do change. We discover our imperfect humanness and
that our partner was not all that we projected them to be. Our fantasies are
broken by real life. Some of the reasons for partnering may have somehow
disappeared. The one who was so loved, becomes the one who becomes the object
to ‘blame’ for our newly discovered unhappiness… or we fault ourselves for
making a mistake… or for not seeing more clearly from the start.
Of course each person has their own version… our own story…
and if we tell if long enough, we begin to believe it.
What I say and write is only my opinion. So now that I made
that disclaimer, I will continue as if I actually know what I’m talking about.
If it is useful for you… good. If you find it does not connect for you, that’s
good too. Simply let it go.
It seems that most people have some type of spiritual
awakening along the path, even if it is not labeled as a “spiritual awakening.”
Many have visited guides, teachers, counselors, ministers, gurus, and others.
We have the opportunity to learn at every moment. Most of our striving, trying,
and doing are within the context of our social and cultural milieu along with
our unique personal development and experience. What remains in the shadow of
our unconscious can easily and often does have the tendency to control or at
least impact our thinking, feelings, and actions.
The more aware we become… and there is always more to become
aware of… the less likely we are to get lost in unconscious attractions,
attachments, and behavior. On the other hand, each time we do get lost in the
next adventure, it is also ‘grist for the mill’ of learning as we walk along
our journey’s path.
It seems to follow that as we open to and experience ‘Source
Love’ more directly in our own present experience, the more we can offer love
to others in a way that is not looking for something in return. When we are
disappointed or feel hurt in a relationship, it is a clear signal that we were
expecting something different and were expecting something in return for giving
Love…. Another teachable moment… Ideally, it seems that the more two people are
actually experienced in Source Love, the more likely they will be able to openly
be in and co-create a relationship… Source Love is always here. If we feel
something else toward another person, we know we are dealing with some issue
within.
Now, to be very, very clear…I hope… this does not mean in
any way that we stay in a relationship or abusive situation just because there
is love there for the other person. To appreciate that same Source Love first
coming to us, we will honor and respect ourselves and move away from that
energy that is reactive and abusive because of the shadow aspect of the other…
and we must be reminded of the shadow in our own psyche that may have attracted
the other… two unconsciously dancing shadows.
As humans and Being, we are complex and have many different
energy patterns we carry. Most agree that if we had no imperfections, we would
probably be elsewhere! This is to remind myself and others to be gentle on
ourselves… to be as aware as possible… to trust our deeper intuition… and to
continue to live with loving kindness as our guide.
Sometimes, I receive emails from friends, acquaintances, and
others who read something I have said in my blog… and they say how much it
hurts to want a relationship so much and yet they feel a bit powerless to
actually make it happen… Or they have recently separated from who they thought
was “the one”… Or others simply wonder if relationship is actually possible. In
all these scenarios it depends a lot on not only how we define relationship,
but what we are looking to ‘gain’ by being in a relationship.
I do not know if there is “one” person out there, a soul mate
for each person. I suspect it is a bit more complex than that. On the other
hand, we are all soul mates of the One Life that is ALL Life… Personally, I sense
that the traditional paradigm of a fixed relationship, cemented in time and or
space, is something that has been shifting for perhaps 30-40 years. That is
part of many of our experiences and yet we may still be clinging to an idea
that there is one person ‘out there’ that is perfect for us. It may be so. And
I do not live by that ‘concept’ any longer which, for me, seems more of an
expansion of my own openness rather than a resignation or loss of hope. It is
freeing.
I contend that we must be somewhat together ourselves…FIRST…
to the point of not ‘needing’ a relationship to fulfill some internal need for
love and acceptance from the outside. When we feel good about ourselves, then
we are better able to be present for others without expecting or wanting
something in return.
If we truly bring the Source Love that runs to and through
us to each moment and each encounter, without expectations or sets of rules
about what a relationship should be, we perhaps can be in relationships that
are truly timeless.
So the question remains: “How do we consistently connect
with Love at the ‘Primary Source’ level?” Many of us know the words or theory
or teachings… and yet find ourselves feeling a bit disconnected at times.
This subject has been addressed by most spiritual teachers
every-where and every-when. Each of us has to find that wakefulness to the
present moment beyond the shadows and blaring noises of both the unconscious
energies of the psyche and the constant traffic of our egoic mind... Here are a
few thoughts and avenues to consider:
·
Perhaps for some it takes a mindful inquiry into
our experiences, feelings, and reactions as we go through the day.
·
Some find it useful to practice some form of
meditation or contemplation.
·
Using our cognitive and creative abilities to
grow positive thoughts to replace useless negative self-talk can provide a
shift in attitude and feelings since thoughts and feelings are intricately
entwined.
·
Asking for help from your deepest Source of Love
within, from the divine, from your guides and angels… whatever you wish to call
the unseen wise ones … can bring intervention and synchronicities.
·
Asking to talk with someone you trust who has
the skills and wisdom to help you through some of the learning transitions…
perhaps as a guide, counselor, or coach.
·
Explore and discover a way to let go of unwanted
emotional states and restore a sense of centeredness;
·
Dreams can provide new information regarding
unconscious dynamics and patterns and even connect us to direct messages from
the realms of Wisdom and Love
·
Visualization and guided meditation or imagery
works for many.
·
Spending time in nature can connect us to the
wonderful natural sense of Life’s Oneness, power, and presence. Watching nature
can teach us how to ‘be.’
·
There are many specific spiritual schools and
religious groups designed to take you through their teachings…which may be
helpful for some.
·
Many have experienced an opening through
creativity, art, books, and stories of others.
There are always an infinite number of possibilities and an
infinite number of possible outcomes based on the decisions and circumstances
of our journey.
As long as we are looking to receive love from others and
from a romantic relationship without the Love being present within that brings
peace and acceptance, we will find disappointment. Relationships if they are to
be satisfying, will take striving… that’s work… just as the path of being a
spiritual warrior or warrioress takes work.
Learning the art of Present Moment living will help being
present now and means learning to actually let go of yesterday’s emotional disappointments,
hurts, pain, regrets, perceived failures, etc…. In addition it means letting go
of any anxious and fear-based thoughts of tomorrow that our egoic mind wishes
to conjure up to cast its spell and keep us away from this Present Moment of Now!
The art of letting go of the past and future is liberating since we are no
longer being controlled in the present moment. Letting go often involves
forgiveness… forgiving ourselves and forgiving others…
Its work and it’s worth it. And it’s also simple… we just
need to choose to do it.
So, what’s Love got to do with it?
Everything!
Plug consciously in to the One Love and we can channel and
give that Love to the world around us and to the people in our lives. May Love
be our soulmate…and maybe someone will show up who also is mated to Love!
Warm wishes, John
PS.... [8-3-14] Yes, we can love ourselves and all of life without judgment or expectations from a centered space of spiritual or unconditional love and acceptance. As this become filtered through our personality, ego, and preferences, we also need to make choices and act with a decisive energy of kindness and respect for others, our self, and all of Life... and the beat goes on... You are invited to comment here and or write to John@sunhutch.com ... no solicitations please.
