December 2, 2012
I read a photo-poster of Facebook today that stated the most
important aspect of a relationship is “commitment.” This word elicits certain
feelings in me and perhaps others as to what this really means. I have seen
that making a “commitment” in a relationship limits a relationship since it can
really be a code word for co-dependency. I certainly have entered relationships
at unconscious levels and was not clear as to what was really moving two people
to be together. Whoa…
Yes, I think that what a person wants and what they mean
when using the word “commitment” is vitally important. It is important in any
relationship and often it is defined by a shared goal or outcome. Now, rather
than focusing on business partnerships, I’d like to share a few thoughts about “commitment”
as it may pertain to personal or ‘romantic’ relationships.
It seems the nature of relationships can have different
purposes at different times in our lives. Let’s look at a few areas in relationships:
·
The physical connection – two people sense
a physical attraction for each other and become involved in a relationship to
fulfill the hormonal drives which are normal in our experience;
·
The emotional connection – two people
find a bonding of emotions, there may be unconscious needs that draw two people
together and they feel this completion as complementary and it may also be a
form of co-dependency in which they feel more secure in some way when they are
together;
·
The mental connection – We may find that
we share similar ideas that are important to both people and both are drawn to
the similarity of shared ideas or beliefs. This can extend to religious
doctrine or philosophical ideas, as well as simply evolving personal
worldviews.
So, when we research the etymology of the word “commitment”
we will find it comes from the Latin and actually derives from two words – “together” and “mission”…
For me this points to what it seems is the most important
aspect of the emerging paradigm of relationships… and that is a coming together
for a specific purpose or mission. Can two people come to this as a couple?
Perhaps, and yet it seems that it is most likely that each person must come to
their mission and purpose first as individuals.
Of course this is “commitment” to a process of personal and
spiritual growth and development. It is the “commitment” one makes as a
sovereign citizen of the Universe and as a child of Life… of God. This perhaps
is a no-brainer, since we are always part of the oneness of Life and at one
with Source, even when we may not feel like it.
So, we may get together for sex, for companionship, for
family-building, for practical purposes, and for many other reasons…and perhaps
for all of the above. Part of us thinks that it can actually find security
through a legal document which is often part of the marriage archetype. Many of
us know how that worked out. There is more wisdom in realizing that nothing in
our 3D world is a certainty. Security is an illusion. Wisdom comes in the
acceptance of insecurity. Since we cannot look for or provide any permanent
security outside of our own being, we must discover in some way that the love
and security comes from within… from Source … Legal contracts do not ensure
longevity or respect and certainly do not capture love.
I would suggest we look closely at what we are expecting and
what is meant when we think about or use the term “Commitment.” We can enter in
the process of relating with openness and with respect and love. This does not
mean we can lock any feeling or any outcome into a pledge or a contract. It seems
that we can at best, in this new and emerging paradigm, commit ourselves to the
process rather than a specific form or goal. This may include any or all of the
other reasons for being in relationship, and is what I would characterize as
the spiritual connection. This can lead to a loving and co-creating experience for
as long as it works as a shared mission, which, coincidentally, is the actual
meaning and etymology of the word - “Commitment.” The mission is always the
main purpose in this new and emerging paradigm.
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